Are you looking for a creative gig, but find most job descriptions to be utterly boring? Do you wind up losing interest before you even get to the "Apply" button? Have you noticed how most descriptions seem to start with a set of vaguely upbeat questions?

Samesies.

I was asked to revise some job descriptions and thought it would be worth exploring an option that was entertaining, engaging, and might just stand out in a sea of Indeed results. Needless to say, that option did not get used, so its final resting place will be here.

The company-specific info at the beginning has been removed — just know that you're missing out on an excellent Cheers and Frasier analogy.

Associate Creative Director, Design

We’re looking for an innovative creative leader to spearhead our marketing design efforts and help guide the entire team to greatness. Someone who is an expert at their craft and can inspire fearless brainstorming and concepting with the end goal of more creative, well, creative.

Eight years of design experience at an agency or in-house team, please. Digital and e-commerce knowledge is key, and creative dictators and prima donnas will be turned away at the door.

Now… what else?

Necessary People Skills, Tech Skills & Brain Skills

Endless curiosity.
Strategic thinking that puts Risk champions to shame.
Robot-like organizational powers.
Plays nice with others (...works well, too).
Sense of humor — the drier, the better.
Keeps data and customer insight on speed dial.
Experience managing managers, preferably in a style that’s somewhere between Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson.
Master of Adobe Creative Suite and fluent in Invision and Sketch.
Go-to person for typography, layout, photo composition, and print dilemmas.
Creator and tinkerer of graphics systems, pattern libraries, and design principles.
Walking Digital Best Practices reference book.

A Million Bonus Points for...

Experience with motion design and video.
Hours logged on photoshoots or collaborating with those who do.
Familiarity (or deep obsession) with home furnishings, and interior design or fashion.
Print experience! It’s not dead yet!

A Day in the Life for This Role

8:45AM | Check out the latest store displays on the way into work, because our office is in. a. mall. (!!!)
9:00AM | First dose of coffee. Powwow with the associate creative director of copy and creative director.
10:15AM | Think about the customer.
10:30AM | Brainstorm with the Marketing and Promotions teams.
11:45AM | Think about the customer.
12:00PM | Grab food from either the numerous snack walls or the three Sweetgreens within walking distance. (Or, heck, Chipotle. We don’t judge.)
12:30PM | Think about the customer.
12:45PM | Review projects with product designers.
1:30PM | Meet-up with the Social and PR teams to find out what’s doing well.
2:00PM | More coffee.
2:15PM | Think about the customer.
3:00PM | Attempt to reach inbox zero. Digest performance data. Rattle off questions and ideas to the appropriate teams.
4:00PM | Quick stand-up with the Creative team. Make sure all the brands remain distinct but equally awesome.
4:45PM | Pivot strategy for the latest major campaign. Brainstorm a new, attention-grabbing theme.
5:45PM | Celebratory cheers with the team at one of the beer kegs in the kitchen.
6:00PM | Think about… what’s for dinner.

Portfolio Checklist

Include one. Seriously.
Insight-driven conceptual work.
Projects for unexpected channels (ambient, experiential, out-of-the-home — all great!).
Successful creative that influenced a positive change in customer behavior.